Correction Notice...

Please replace all references to "Pumper" with "Rammer" in the post below.

Thank You...

To all my friends, you know who you are, thank you for your encouragement and support over the years. You've listened to be belly ache about my life and have patiently waited until I was ready for the change. I am especially thankful for your support recently as I have made probably one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make in my life.

As you know, my emotions are running pretty raw at the moment. Its true, the feelings do come in waves. One moment I'm excited about my future and all the possibilities it holds and the other I'm feeling guilty about abandoning my family because of my own needs.

Now...as to the comments made yesterday....

Funniest line yet....

I got the nickname Ian Hanomansing from the photo on my ICSC badge. (He's a prominent news anchor on CBC).

Last night Destructo came up with "Ian Handsome-man-thing." Friggin' hilarious. I'm still laughing now.

If you've been a frequent reader of this blog then you know that my nickname is "The Smoocher.' Well, last night the thought was raised about retiring the "Smoocher" and launching "The Pumper" (for obvious reasons). I think I laughed so hard I was brought to tears. I don't think the Smoocher is ready to go anywhere yet. As for the Pumper, well, let's just say I'm not exactly a porn star.

Thanks guys. Stupid jokes and good times are just what the doctor ordered.

Here's to tomorrow.

R.

Feelings...

Guilt... sadness... excitement... remorse... shame... cowardice... conviction... hope... despair... resolve!

The deed...

...is done!

(I feel like a bag of shit swimming in a lake of vomit.)

Strength of conviction...

The way before me is clear, but fraught with peril. I can see the goal. Is the prize worth the pain?

R.

Sideways...

Well, if you read my earlier post, then you know that I wasn't looking forward to dinner tonight. Funny how life turns out, when you have no expectations and you least expect something you get a treat.

I'm at the restaurant tonight and we're doing the chit chat and I take the wine list and start looking through for a nice wine to order. I'm initially disappointed because its mostly blends and not big on the Cab Sauve dep't which my boss (sitting beside me) really likes.

I get to the Pino section and see something. "Could it be?" I wondered. "Nah, it couldn't!

I see three different bottles of Hitching Post. It can't possibly be the same Hitching Post.

"Um, excuse me waitress?"

"Yes, sir" (everyone always seems to call me "sir" now...see earlier post)

"Is this the same Hitching Post as..."

"Yes sir, it is."

"No, I mean is this the same Hitching Post from the movie?"

"That's right, it is. I'll get Jeff to come over, he'll explain it."

One of my favourite movies of the past couple of years is Sideways. Not only is it about wine, its about guys having a mid-life of sorts and each searching for fulfillment in his own way.

I totally love this movie and often talked to my friends about doing a Sideways tour of our own. I long to visit the wine region of California and doing the tour.

So there I am sitting in the restaurant tonight at a dinner I didn't want to be at staring at a wine list with Hitching Post. (If you've seen the movie, you know the Hitching Post)

So we order a bottle. Hitching Post, Pino Noir, "Rio Vista Vineyard," Santa Maria Valley, California. $110.

Yummy. It was absolutely fantastic. I'm so excited, I'm beside myself. I so have to do that tour.

Pino anyone?

R.

Just reading yesterday's post...

I know I sounded a little stoned, OK maybe a lot stoned but I wasn't! Seriously. I guess it gets to the point now when people get to know you always ranting and raving about something they wonder WTF has happened.

Let's see. Today is a work day. I woke up tired, dragged my ass in here, made some personal calls and went to lunch. I have a mountain of things to do which I'd better get to this aft. Today does not look beautiful. The sky is grey and its fairly dreary outside.

I have to go to a dinner tonight with a client that I don't feel like going out with. I'm off to Montreal on Wednesday and back Thursday morning only to go to a meeting all afternoon on Thursday before going to a restaurant opening on Thursday evening. I'm not looking forward to this week already.

I wonder why I'm so tired all the time. Went to bed at 11:30 pm which wasn't so bad but was dead tired this morning.

OK, hope its a good day in everyone else's neighbourhood today.

R.

What a beautiful day in the neighbourhood...

I had to run a couple of errands this morning and I can't get over how beautiful a day it is outside. The snow hasn't melted and the sun is shining brighter than ever, it looks like a postcard.

Typically winter days tend to be the clearest, I think it has something to to with smog or ozone layer or something. Summer mornings aren't quite as crisp and clear as winter ones. One of the things I miss about running, while I was training for my marathon, was seeing the sunrise. I used to leave the house around 6 or 6:30 am and was able to watch the sun rise over the lake. I actually don't live too far from Lake Ontario and my route took me along a path along the waterfront.

When I was younger I was into photography, these used to be my favourite days to take pictures, always got the best results. I was so impressed with this morning that I headed down to the bottom of my street to the little parkette and snapped this pic. Should have gone into the house and taken a better camera. This one's from my cellphone. Hardly publishing quality but it will do in a pinch.

R

Lulu Window

This was the Lulu store window that I really liked. Most other people I spoke to hated it.

Of course the jokes are plenty,

What's next month?

"Stop busting my balls?"
"Quit riding my ass?"
"Stop fucking the dog."

OK enough!

R.

Charlie Brown

Good lord, just had lunch at the local Chinese restaurant now I'm sitting at my desk and I feel like I'm in a Charlie Brown episode. Wha, wha, wha, wha, wha...

They say they don't put MSG in the food, but what the hell have they replaced it with, heroin? This is not good. I especially didn't have a beer because I was hoping to be a little productive today. Might as well have gotten hammered.

My buddy H and I were thinking of excuses to get out of the office.

"Sorry boss I have to leave early."

"Why?"

"Aahh, my friend died..."

Next Day

"So Rar, how was the funeral."

"Ahh, what funeral?"

"You said your friend died."

"Oh, you didn't hear the last part of that sentence? She died her hair. Yeah, she's a blonde now. Sorry dude, didn't mean to worry you. Peace out."

R.

Coronary inc...

Two and a half hours of shoveling snow. Good thing I took the day off. As its Valentine's Day I'm spending some time with an old friend of mine...Black Opal...Chardonnay...

Lates...

R.

What the....?

OK, I'm lying in bed under my down comforter listening to the all news radio station that wakes me up every morning, totally enjoying the fact that I wasn't going to work today.

So, in my semi-wake-sleep-fantasy consciousness. I hear a news story...

Something along the lines of "Men with vasectomies have a higher rate of dementia." Now this is a correlation study, meaning that they looked at all men with vasectomies and dementia and compared them to the non-v group and the same. I know that scientifically correlation does not prove causation but MF!

Isn't it just the way though? Another one of life's cruel ironies. If men had erection dysfunction because of vasectomies I would get that. But to still be able to have erections but lose all mental function. (The humor here is not lost on me, but nevertheless...) I swear sometimes I think the world is profoundly broken.

Anyway, nice heart warming story on Valentine's Day.

R.

The Perfect "Snow" Storm...

Greetings from the inside of one of those Christmas ornaments. You know the ones, a base with a glass bubble and you shake them up and it snows on the fake town inside. That's kind of what it feels like right now as I sit in my living room and look out the window.

The storm is passing. The area where I live typically doesn't get above average snow so when we get hit with a big dump like this its a bit of a deal. I have a couple of feet of snow outside that I have to dig out of. Been postponing that task for a few hours.

The kids school got cancelled today so they're home. We're having a little Valentine's Day party.

OK, so why do I always feel guilty about staying home and not going to work. I rarely ever take snow days or sick days. On a day like this however, why not take it easy and make it a mental health day. I've got to start doing that more. There are others in my office that do it often. Actually though, if the kids weren't home today I probably would not have taken the day off.

I think my neighbours have shoveled already. Maybe if I wait long enough then the wind will blow all my snow over to their driveways. They will probably be mad at me but last time I checked God invented wind, so its not really my fault. :p

R.

My door is open...

OK, so I'm feeling much better today. Its amazing what a good night's sleep will do. We have a big snow storm coming. I love snow storms. Actually I love storms in general. Get a few things done an punch out early...nice plan.

R.

Foul not Fowl...

God I'm in a foul mood today. And I don't mean I feel like a domesticated chicken! When I'm up I'm usually way up. I can take anything in stride. When I'm down however, its not pretty. I hate being surrounded by negativity, it gets to me.

I have a lot going on in my life right now both personally and professionally. I have so much to do at work and the pressure is getting to me a little. Today is the day that I look at the picture on my blog titled "paradise" and just feel like saying fuck everything and just go there. I could be one of those guys selling t-shirts on the beach. So what, I won't make the money I do now but wouldn't have to put up with the bullshit either.

I think everyone in the office can tell how I feel as well. I never have my door closed, unless I'm on a personal phone call or something. Most other people in the office will close their door but mine is 99% never closed. Today...closed.

I need to focus on production. Need to get stuff off my desk.

I don't like when people cut up other people all the time. There is one friend that I've been spending a lot of time with who tends to make cutting remarks about everyone. The last few times we've been together have really kind of pissed me off. Not everyone is that bad and you're not that fucking good.

Oh, and another thing. I don't really want to be that ripped this summer. I'm a fucking middle aged male who likes to cook and drink. I'm never going to have a washboard stomach. I'd probably like to drop about 5 or 10 pounds which I'll do by working out but not interested in being an underwear model. I'm reasonably intelligent, very funny and I think a nice guy. I have many interests along with many faults. That's good enough. The end.

I'm eating a quesadilla with chicken and about 10 pounds of cheese right now. It tastes so good dipped in sour cream.

I am sure now more than ever that February is the worse month of the year. Its been friggin' so cold for so long that I think it puts me in the mood that I'm in. What I wouldn't give right now to be sitting on a patio with a nice bottle of wine staring at a bunch of waitresses with really big breasts! Only a few more months. Hope I don't go postal!

R.

Cruel Irony...

Why is it that some one who loves music as much as I do is totally tone deaf? Perhaps one of god's cruel ironies. Seriously, I couldn't carry a tune if it was strapped to my back, if it was in a bucket, if you get my drift. Nonetheless, I have no greater passion....

R.

Sacred Sunday...

Sunday's are nice, especially when you get to sleep in. I love to sleep in. One of the greatest feelings is when you wake up and think 'shit, I'm late for work' only to realize that its the weekend and you can go back to sleep.

My wife is not feeling well today and felt like having brunch so I dragged my ass out of bed, showered and quick trip to the little grocery store and brunch was on. Did some eggs, peameal bacon, sauteed mushrooms, grilled tomatoes topped with grated parmesan, chicken strips crusted with sun dried tomatoes, croissants (thank-you Pillsbury Dough Boy), cucumber tomato salad, coffee, toast etc.

Gotta give the kids a bath, clean my fish tank and maybe organize a few things around the house. The one drawback (there are many) about living so far away from the office (about 1hr 20 mins each way), is that I don't spend as much time as I would like at home. Usually I get home put the kids to bed and immediately go and watch TV or game on the computer. Its nice to be able to sit sometimes and just relax.

The last 20 or so years of my life 9 weekends out of 10 we'd be off to church Sunday mornings. It wasn't bad but it really broke up the weekend. Typically Saturdays are chores, shopping and carting the kids around day and by the time you get home from church on Sunday the weekend is over.

Anyway, here's to enjoying the weekend. Tomorrow the crap can start again...

R.

Context for previous post...

I was born in Georgetown and grew up in Anna Regina.

Memories...

I've been trying to figure out what my most distant memory is. Its hard to tell because I have bits of images in my head but I can't really differentiate between them. Whether its me walking to school or sitting on our front porch its really all the same at this point.

I usually have a good memory for everything except numbers but I wonder why I don't remember more from my childhood. The fact that I've been here in Canada for about 28 years and have never visited where I grew up may be a factor. That could jog some memories for me. I would have liked to see my old public school and the like. After this many years though it may not even exist any longer.

We came to Canada when I was almost 10 years old so I guess most of my 'childhood' was really spent here. The key adolescent and teenage years I do remember. I unlike many of my friends can vividly remember seeing snow for the first time. Being from a tropical climate, you don't see too much snow. I also remember the first time I saw TV, we didn't have televisions when I grew up. Now there was the start of a love affair that hasn't ended. Ten foot screen in the basement to prove it. LOL.

God, I'm so having a midlife crisis. Except my old college psychology professor said that scientifically there is really no such thing. Thank-you.

I've been meaning to call you...

Whoo! Great Hip concert last night. They played some hits and some new stuff and of course everyone's new favourite song...in View.

My head is a little heavy today. Feel like I've been hit by a beer truck or maybe vodka truck, whatever.

Fun was had by all. Only one thing missing for me last night which would have made the night perfect. But then again, perhaps perfection is overrated or at the very least a spurious goal.

R.

Pleasure and Pain

I remember a few years back I had to go to my chiropractor because of a stiff neck and sharp pain under my shoulder blade. As part of the treatment, the muscle had to be iced. He made and interesting comment. He said that he was going to put the ice pack on my back but I would feel a burning sensation because the nerve endings cannot differentiate between hot and cold. I've always found that interesting. Many times I've had to ice a muscle due to injury and sure enough, always burning.

This thought came to me this morning as I was working out. I've been back 3 days now and feel totally amazing. I can't emphasize enough the feeling sitting here at my desk after a good workout, I could eat nails. I feel like there is nothing in the world I can't do. I feel power coursing through my veins.

Which of course comes back to the point of this post. During my spinning class yesterday and during some of the most intense parts of my workouts the body feels the pain but it is immediately followed by the most intense feelings of pleasure I've ever felt. I think it has something to do with endorphins being released into the body or something. The feeling nonetheless is well...(god I'm going to regret writing this)...orgasmic.

I've never done any hard drugs and the few times I've smoked pot, totally hated it. So I can't tell if there are other things out there that makes one feel as good. I'm sure the heroin and opium users could give some insight here, but alas my blog is not that popular.

I guess I need to remember the intensity of the feelings after the work-out to help me get out of bed in the morning...which of course is the real challenge.

OK, off to eat some nails...

R.

Time...

Where the hell does it go? I come into the office and between the emails, phone ringing and people asking me questions I don't get anything done.

I swear to god if someone invites me to another meeting I'm going to lose it, strip naked and take a big shit on the boardroom table in front of everyone.

Why do people feel the need to copy me on email discussions they're having with other people. Are you crazy? Can't you tell by the way I ignore your emails I couldn't possibly care that you are asking so-and-so to do whatever-the-fuck?

Don't keep me in the loop. You should stand on a chair and put the loop around your neck and then kick the chair out from under you.

Aaah...that feels better.

R.

Oakley...

Friends of mine got a dog this weekend. I post it because if I ever got a dog he would look like this. Would love to have one, just don't want to take care of him. Kids-in-diapers is still too fresh in my memory. Someday...

R.

Superbowl

OMG my friggin intestines are on fire. I think I may have put a little too much chili in my chili if you know what I mean.

Oh well, it will make the beer taste better. Gots the boyz comin over to watch "Da Bearz."

Chili is made....
Beer in the fridge....
Sausages ready to go, (got brats, hot Italian, nuremburgers those are skinny white German ones also veal spinach ones...fantastic)
Hot buffalo wings...
Perogies with bacon of course...
Potato salad with bacon of course...
Creamy coleslaw...

In the beer department I've got...
Corona
MGD
Heineken
Grolch
Stella

This probably won't be the healthiest meal I'll eat this week. I wonder if all this food is contributing to the fact that my pants are getting smaller? Nah...

OK, enough rest. I have to go vacuum the basement and get my room organized. I'm a little light on wine so I have to go to the liquor store. Plus the guy at the pet store scammed me for 2 guppies yesterday so I should go get my fish before they forget.

Hope everyones day goes well...

Only because I know you're all wondering...

Dinner tonight was seafood risotto. One of my all time favourite dishes. I can't believe this is only the second time I've ever made it at home.

I must admit though, I don't mean to be arrogant but its one of the best I've ever tasted. Risotto cooked in chicken broth with shitake mushrooms, white asparagus, shrimp, ocean perch and sea scallops.

I'm washing it down with one of my faves, Rosemount Chardonnay.

I guess my three favourite dishes in order are:

1. Osso Buco (a veal shank cooked slowly in a tomato sauce, usually served with risotto)
2. Seafood linguine (best in a spicy tomato sauce with mussels, sea scallops, shrimp, calamari. Also include clams and fish to make it perfect)
3. Seafood risotto (see above)

Now, I've left so much out, from Chinese, Thai to Indian food. I have too many favourites that sometimes I wonder why I list these three.

Tomorrow for Superbowl I'm making Chili (beef, turkey and pork), sausages, hot wings, perogies, potato salad and coleslaw.

Should be a nice day.

R.

Montreal...

Oh how I love thee so...

My shot glass runneth over...

Hey, when does the room stop spinning?

R.