Could it be true???

A thought just occurred to me a moment ago as I was talking to someone on the phone. Well first of all he's a crusty broker that no one likes, especially me but I have to deal with him on this issue. Anyways, so I'm talking and talking and then I stop...

"Are you eating something?"

"Uh...yes, sorry."

Fuck, how annoying is that. Eating in my ear the whole damn time I'm talking. As if talking to you wasn't bad enough, now I have to listen to you chomp like a fucking cow on the other end of the phone. Anyways, the suddenness with how I asked the question may have startled him. Hope he choked on whatever the hell he was eating.

Ok, back to my thought. Maybe I'm shallow and insincere. I know, hard to believe. But I find myself regularly talking to people and kissing ass when I'd just as soon rip out their eyeballs and urinate in their ocular cavities (....so I married an axe murderer...some of you will get it...).

I know I sort of need to be nice to people to get business done. Why is it that all of a sudden so many of them are pissing me off? Perhaps beause I have to terminate about 75 tenancies and I'm getting sick and tired of listening to their shit. Maybe I've never cared but have been deluding myself all this time.

Fucker, eating on the phone...some people!

Lunatics Anonymous

Fuck I hate people!

The Afterlife

Ok, I've finally figured out what happens to people when they die. We all go to this big arena filled with Ikea furniture in boxes. If you've been bad in your life then you have to assemble the furniture. If you've been good then you get to sit in the stands and laugh your f'ing ass off at the bad people. Good lord, can I have my 4 hours back please??? Still not finished, have to hang the doors and install the hardware. Swedes are sadists!!!

Best F/U lyrics ever....

Well you can tell ev’ryone I’m a down disgrace
Drag my name all over the place.

I don’t care anymore.

You can tell ev’rybody ’bout the state I’m inYou won’t catch me crying ’cos I just can’t win.

I don’t care anymore
I don’t care anymore
I don’t care what you say

I don’t play the same games you play.’cos I’ve been talking to the people that you call your friends
And it seems to me there’s a means to and end.
They don’t care anymore.
And as for me I can sit here and bide my timeI got nothing to lose if I speak my mind.

I don’t care anymore
I don’t care no more

I don’t care what you say, We never played by the same rules anyway.

I won’t be there anymore, Get out of my way
Let me byI got better things to do with my timeI don’t care anymore

I don’t care anymore
I don’t care anymore
I don’t care anymore

Well, I don’t care now what you say’cos ev’ry day I’m feeling fine with myself
And I don’t care now what you say
Hey I’ll do alright by myself’cos I know.’cos I remember all the times I tried so hard
And you laughed in my face ’cos you held all the cards.

I don’t care anymore.

And I really ain’t bothered what you think of me’cos all I want of you is just a let me be.

I don’t care anymore d’you hear?
I don’t care no more
I don’t care what you say

I never did believe you much anyway.

I won’t be there no more
So get out of my way.
Let me byI got better things to do with my timeI don’t care anymore
D’you hear?

I don’t care anymore
I don’t care no more

You listening?

I don’t care no more

No more!

You know I don’t care no more!

Aaahh, let the waves of rage and bitterness wash over and soothe you...

The Worst

I've said alot of shit on this blog but this will go down as the most shameful post ever. I'm sitting here listening to Eddie Murphy, Party All the Time (remember that from 1985?). Anyways, I've always kind of liked this song and I'm really enjoying it right now.

No really, that was interesting...

Sometimes people come into my office and they're telling me a story they think is really funny and while they're talking I lose focus and stop listening to what they're saying and then I catch myself and zone back in only to notice that I missed a key part of the story...not that it would make it funnier. Then I have to over compensate by doing my pretend laugh or an emphatic "really?" or "no kidding!" Its quite tiresome.

I'm so bad.

Even the birds and the bees do it...

So we share our floor here at the office with another tenant. I have to walk down a super long and kind of narrow hallway to get to the washroom. The women in the other office have to walk down the same hallway in the opposite direction to go to the girls washroom.

So, everytime (it seems), that I go to the can, I pass by this girl who is also going but in the opposite direction. At first there is no eye contact, but after a few weeks, slight eye contact.

Then nod.

Smile.

Smile and nod.

Silent hi.

Silent hi with nod.

Silent hi with nod and smile.

You get the point (no, I don't go to the washroom that much, I've just condensed months of bowel movements).

So, I just went to the washroom again and lo and behold, the same chick going to the can. I'm sure she must be thinking, "Boy he sure goes to the washroom alot." I know I'm thinking that about her.

Anyways I finish my business and as I'm leaving, fuck, we pass again? How uncomfortable. I know guys don't normally take as much time as girls unless of course they're doing a number 2. I'm sure she's probably thinking, "Wow, he took a long time in there (I was there for awhile), he just took a dump!" I have no way of knowing whether she did the same because as I said it generally takes girls longer, even if they have to pee. What with all the fixing, adjusting, buffing, polishing, scraping and rinsing they have to do.

You know, you meet people in the strangest of circumstances.

P.S. Did I ever tell you about the guy who was washing his feet in the sink in our washroom? No? Ok, maybe I'll just skip the telling of that one.

Thoughts of Rarotonga

Some of the stuff in my head...

1. Bryan Adams "Life is An Open Road"

That's all fine and dandy but are we too caught up with all the traffic that we fail to notice that we're on the wrong road? No use going faster if we're going to the wrong place.

2. Sunshine + car + tunes = Blissful Rarotonga

I feel so great in the car with the sun shining, blue sky and the tunes blasting. I truly feel that there is nothing I can't do. Usually I leave the house pretty early in the morning before the sun is up. I had forgotten how much I miss my morning drives.

3. "Should be..."

Why is it that many of us feel that we "should" be doing something else than what we are. Guilt is such a wasted emotion. Let me explain... The last few weeks I haven't been going to the gym because I've kind of been staying up late. I feel somehow that I should be going to the gym and that my current course of action is wrong. On the wrong road so to speak. The positives though, is that I'm having breakfast with my kids alot and enjoying my ride to the office which is making me feel better. There are no "should's," we should just do what we do and be happy.

4. Is it just me...

Or are cute chicks in BMW's a real turn-on?

5. Winner

You know, I never win that Tim Horton's roll up the rim thing but in the last 2 weeks I've won 4 coffee's. Two weeks ago I actually won 3 days in a row.

6. Patio

Maybe its that time of the year again but I find myself thinking about patios. I'm dying to go and sit on a patio and have a few drinks and waste away the afternoon. Not long now.

R...

mmmmm Sushi

Ok, my new favourite restaurant is Ki. Sushi is great atmosphere is even better. I know its expensive but I don't pay for it anyway so whatever. Got to plan a lunch there again next week.

Drive to work...

So I'm driving to work this morning and these two girls were walking the opposite way along the sidewalk. I thought to myself, not bad except the faces. Anyways, as they got closer it turned out they were guys. That explained the faces...still...they had nice bodies...

Life of Pi

Wow, just finished reading Life of Pi by Yan Martel. What an amazing book. Couldn't put it down. The ending, wow, the ending...I don't think I'm going to sleep tonight. I think this book is fiction, at least that's what it says. However the author is so compelling in his storytelling that you feel that is real. No wonder he won awards for this book. That someone could invent something like this is inconceivable.

One of the best books I've read in a long time...

The Gospel According to Rarotonga cont'd

"No one really gives a shit how busy you are at work."

Really, its just a job. Maybe you're so busy because you're very bad at what you do and you can't finish on time. So, realize that everyone has stuff to do and the reason they even talk to you is to take their minds of the fact that they have stuff to do. So, if I accidentally walk by your office and it seems like I'm trying to start a conversation with you, realize that I'm not and please refrain from telling me how much you have to do, because I really don't care.

The Gospel According to Rarotonga

"Thou shalt stop thy bitching and suck it up."

When life gives you shit, make a shit sandwich. What else are you going to do? Can't complain to your friends, they're tired of listening to your sorry ass moan about your pethetic life. The only reason they're your friends is because they don't have the heart to tell you to fuck off. You could start a blog and bitch in writing but to what end? So ultimately you have one choice, suck it up and move on. It can't get worse can it?

The benefit of good friends...

Ok, so Hepofaus is over checking out Roratonga's cave this afternoon. Having a few bottles of wine, checking out the new stainless steel refrigerator. I mentioned that I would like to get a new monitor for my computer. He looks at me like a I'm some sort of retard, what about the projector over your head and the 10 ft. frigging screen you're looking at? Hmmm... with just a cable you say??? Ok, its an hour later and I'm sitting on my recliner with my feet up, wireless keyboard on my lap, wireless mouse beside me, glass of Lindemans Bin 99 Pino and typing this on a 10 foot f'ing screen. Life's not all bad...I'm giddy with excitement...I wonder what porn looks like on a 10 ft. screen...hehehehee...

Is it just me...

or do other people wonder what life is really about. Why are we here? I've done the religion thing and it fails to answer my questions. Are we missing out on life? Are we caught up on a path that we chose without all the information available?

Every day we live is one day less that we have. No one knows the length of their lives. I just think its so important to truly enjoy living each moment of every day to the fullest. If that is the case, why do we (me) let the daily bullshit get in the way of that enjoyment. Why do we let trivial emotional engagements take time in our minds. Must I mourn for every relationship I've ever had every time I listen to some song on the radio? Perhaps 'feeling,' whether good or bad, is what makes life... Maybe to feel happiness, sorrow, rage, love, anger, apathy, sadness, joy, relief, angst.... is what life is about. It has to be more than just basic carnal desires (though those are enjoyable).

Perhaps I use too many brain cells pondering these things. It is sometimes all consuming.

P.S. 85% thru the second bottle of Rosemount Chard...

What am I really looking for in a woman...

She has:
1. A great personality.
2. Be kind
3. Generous
4. Like animals
5. Intelligent
4. Outgoing
5. Funny
6. Independent
7. Loves life

mmmm....who are we kidding, I don't give a shit if she's a child molesting serial killer....the cowboy hat is optional!

Boo Ya

She was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean
She was the best damn woman that I ever seen
She had the sightless eyes, telling me no lies
Knockin' me out with those American thighs
Taking more than her share, had me fighting for air
She told me to come but I was already there

The evils of spandex!!!!

Procrastination

I really need to stop putting things off and start being more efficient with my time. Hmmm...i'll finish this later.

Funniest thing I heard this weekend...

So I'm at a bar with my brother-in-law we're watching this parade of fat chicks in tight pants saunter by...then he said, "Didn't you know, god created spandex but the devil filled them with fat chicks." Fuck, I'm still laughing. Anyways, if you're offended, too bad. I don't go walking around in spandex because I don't want to gross other people out, others should be so considerate!

March Break...

Ok, so its March Break and even though I'm only taking a couple of days off this week, Wednesday to Friday I didn't get any work done today. Boss was out of the office and I went for a long liquid lunch. What a great week, no people on the road and no one in the office asking stupid fucking questions like how my weekend was. It makes me long for the bird flu!!!

Somebody should have told me...but I probably wouldn't have believed them anyway...

I'm sitting at my brother-in-law's place looking out over his back yard. If you can call it that. We all live on our postage stamp lots in our houses which are exactly 12 inches on either side from the other house. As far as the eye can see, houses...houses and more f'ing houses. Is this what life has amounted to? This is what our dreams hopes and desires have been reduced to??? Every free moment, driving from one place to the next. If you don't believe in hell, spend time in suburbia. I think I'm starting to figure it out. If only I could do something about it.

Flirting...

I've been thinking recently about how much people flirt. I see it all around me. I do it all the time. I think people enjoy flirting, but why? Is it because we like to chase or to be chased? Perhaps its that everyone wants to feel attractive. Certainly we all want to be desired. People generally will not admit that they flirt though because somehow its wrong or socially unacceptable. I'm sick of living my life worrying about what people think. (See a few posts ago). Anyways, in case you're interested, here's some research:

The dictionary defines flirting as follows...

To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures.
To deal playfully, triflingly, or superficially with: flirt with danger.

Here's an excerpt...

Why do we flirt?

Flirting is much more than just a bit of fun: it is a universal and essential aspect of human interaction...Flirting is a basic instinct, part of human nature. This is not surprising: if we did not initiate contact and express interest in members of the opposite sex, we would not progress to reproduction, and the human species would become extinct. (God forbid!!!)

According to some evolutionary psychologists, flirting may even be the foundation of civilization as we know it. They argue that the large human brain - our superior intelligence, complex language, everything that distinguishes us from animals - is the equivalent of the peacock's tail: a courtship device evolved to attract and retain sexual partners. Our achievements in everything from art to rocket science may be merely a side-effect of the essential ability to charm.... I'm smarter than I think!!)

Want to learn more about flirting? Click here...

Greatest movie, greatest quote...

I am Proximo!

I shall be closer to you for the next few days, which will be the last of your miserable lives, than that bitch of a mother who first brought you screaming into this world!

I did not pay good money for your company. I paid it so that I might profit from your death.

And just as your mother was there at your beginning, I shall be there at your end. And when you die - and die you shall - your transition will be to the sound of...

[claps his hands]

Gladiators... I salute you.

Sometimes we get so worried about life that we forget to live. Its not when we go but how we go. I've said it before and I'll say it again...."Redeem the time!!!"

What others think...

Most people say that they don't care what others think of them but deep down inside most of us do. Sometimes it matters what they think and sometimes it doesn't. I guess it's all a matter of perspective.

Sleep...

So I haven't had a good night of sleep in four f'ing days. Playing an on-line video game is probably a bad idea for someone who is OCD. I've decided to invent a new product for guys with wives/girlfirends who have a problem with them gaming all day and night. I expect brisk sales.

WoW

Its 2:20 am and Hepofaus and I have been kicking the living crap out of shit in World of Warcraft. Actually, Hepofaus has been doing all the shit kicking because he's the mofo 60th level hunter and I am now only an 11th level mage. I'll get there pretty soon though, you wait. I'm so tired...must sleep.

World of Warcraft

My first online game...more to come I'm sure...

Road Rage

So I'm driving to work yesterday morning and the sun is shining and I'm playing my tunes and having a great time and I come up behind someone driving like 8 km per hour in the fast lane. On the back of this lady's car is a bumper sticker that says "humankind, be both."
I think to myself, why don't you get that stupid fucking car out of my way and let me get on with my life before I run you off the fucking road, you stupid bitch!!!
Wow, who knew that bumper sticker would have such and effect on a normal well adjusted person such as myself. Someone should talk to that lady, she's got issues!!!