eternity or yesterday

Wow, haven't posted here in some time. I guess i've been too busy enjoying life to write about it. hehehehe....

How's the weather...

Its curious how the weather can be reflective of life changes. One moment its sunny outside and seemingly scant minutes later its totally cloudy and overcast and dark, only to be sunny again minutes later. This is the type of morning its been, which made me ponder my life over the last few months. I guess I've been living under a cloud lately with both personal life and work stresses that seem to be more poignant than usual. I was beginning to think that this would be the way I would live my life forever.

In the last couple of weeks some seemingly random events have had a real positive impact on me. There are some rays of sunshine breaking through the clouds. I'm enjoying both old and new friendships and I've started to work out again. Hopefully this takes me through the always dreary months of winter ahead.

R.

Random thoughts from the weekend...

So as I dragged my ass out of bed this morning at 6 am and went to the pool for a swim, it seemed crazy and that I should seek professional help. Anyway, the thought passed and I actually felt great after my swim. Its only been 2 weeks but I'm already feeling stronger in the water. Last week was a bit discouraging because I'm so out of shape. I really need to work on my conditioning.

Oh yeah, in case you're wondering, its snowing outside now.

I was listening to XM Radio on the my drive in and they had an amazing song line-up. Audioslave, Live, Sum 41, Creed, STP, OLP etc... was awesome. I found myself pondering the last verse of Audioslave's Like a Stone...

And on I read

Until the day was gone

And I sat in regret

Of all the things that I've done

For all that I've blessed

And all that I've wronged

In dreams until my death

I will wander on

Just an amazing song with powerful lyrics.

I was actually doing some reading this weekend on Wikipedia and came across an interesting definition

Self-fulfilling prophecy...

Sociologist Robert K Merton defines it this way:

The self-fulfilling prophecy is, in the beginning, a false definition of the situation evoking a new behaviour which makes the original false conception come 'true'. This specious validity of the self-fulfilling prophecy perpetuates a reign of error. For the prophet will cite the actual course of events as proof that he was right from the very beginning

This is actually very fascinating. There are examples from history and religion such as Moses, and Oedipus etc. where this principle applies. I'm going to have to do some more reading on this, hopefully more thoughts to come.

That's it for now...

R.

Life Aquatic...

Well I actually did it. I made it to the pool this morning to do some lap swim. Lying in bed this morning hearing the "cold weather alert" and thinking "God, I so don't want to haul my ass all the way over to the pool and get in that water."

Anyways, like anything in life, losers wine about trying their best and maybe next time and winners just do shit.

I guess I just like doing shit. I'm feeling really tired now, that was a great workout. I made some new friends (this was my first time at that pool). BTW, I think I'm the only guy there under 70 years old.

So, maybe I'll sign up for my first Tri in June of 08. I think I can be ready by then.

R.

Tired

Maybe posting this morning at 4 am was not such a great idea. As I think now about last night, it wasn't quite so bad. It was a lot of fun and a great learning experience. Plus it will probably be another interesting chapter of the book "Shit Show that is Life"

I could probably work on the title a bit, but I'm not feeling very creative now as I'm working on 2 hours of sleep.

R.

The biggest "loser..."

I know there is a TV show right now that champions such folks as heroes but I will testify that they have nothing on me. This has nothing to to with my weight but I will certainly claim that I am the biggest loser.

I would recount tonight's events but that would only serve to entrench me in the disgust that I feel at this moment. It may also serve to be evidence against me at some point so I will pass.

There is a part of me that wants to wallow in self pity but I will rise above it. I will claim that I am a loser and revel in it. Perhaps this will be a source of pride for me as even losers can win. I don't know how I get into these situations but I'm sure once the loathing is gone I will rise above this and soar.

Losers unite...this is our time.

OMG, its 4 am and I have to be awake in 2 hours to get to my co-owners meeting and give a leasing presentation. This will not be fun.

r

vat saying?

I wish I could explain what I'm thinking sometimes. I know my actions seem irrational but you really need to "walk a mile in my shoes."

R.

Mary J

So, I was talking to a friend of mine today and she was able to crystallize a thought that's been brewing in my mind for some time.

She said, "Save your drama for your mama." Beautiful phrase, really!

I've had 3 people over the last couple of weeks send me emails. They want to be friends, they don't want to be friends. You made me feel good you made me feel bad. Want to get together don't want to get together. Enough...

I just don't care anymore. Its too tiring. Say what's on your mind. Want to get together great, let's go. Want to talk give me a call.

Its so simple.

R.

What ever happened?

to all the dreams we had? Were we just young and naive or did we lose something along the way? I wonder...

Mama...

OK, spin class today. In the middle of the ride and our instructor Lori changes to the next song, "Mama" by Genesis.

"Everytime he says the word 'mama' you need to turn up the resistance."

"Motherf#$%^!! I know this song." I'm running over in my mind how many times he says it but its too much to count. Then I'm thinking, "Isn't there a line where he says it like friggin' 10 times in a row??" This can't be good.

Well for the record, Phil belts out that damn word 20 times in the song. The line to which I'm referring...

"Can't you see me here, mama,Mama, mama, mama, please?"

If I had any strength left or breath in my lungs I would beat Phil to death with my handlebars. Nonetheless it was a good ride. Nice workout.

R.

Mama...

OK, spin class today. In the middle of the ride and our instructor Lori changes to the next song, "Mama" by Genesis.

"Everytime he says the word 'mama' you need to turn up the resistance."

"Motherf#$%^!! I know this song." I'm running over in my mind how many times he says it but its too much to count. Then I'm thinking, "Isn't there a line where he says it like friggin' 10 times in a row??" This can't be good.

Well for the record, Phil belts out that damn word 20 times in the song. The line to which I'm referring...

"Can't you see me here, mama,Mama, mama, mama, please?"

If I had any strength left or breath in my lungs I would beat Phil to death with my handlebars. Nonetheless it was a good ride. Nice workout.

R.

Easter

Happy Easter everyone.

Hope you have a good long weekend.

R.

Not quite Madeline Khan in Blazing Saddles...

but "I'm tired." (Lol, I can't wait to see who gets this reference.) I woke up this morning more tired than when I went to bed. I actually didn't go to bed that late, 11pm. I think the stress of work plus my personal life combined with all the partying and lack of proper eating is starting to get to me.

I think I'm going to go away next month. I don't know where, but it will be somewhere last minute, warm where I can sit by the pool or go snorkeling all day. (Um, the kind in water.)

For now its on with the budgets.

R.

P.S. Lili Von Shtupp..

Lunatic fringe...

Tom Cochraine concert at Massey Hall last night was excellent. Put on quite a show for the 4,000 or so friggin' old people that sat there the whole damn show. Good god people, its a rock concert, get off your asses and try to enjoy yourself.

I was put off immediately upon getting there. SportsGuy and I sat down and the ass behind us asked, "Excuse me, do you guys mind switching seats because you're taller than him and my half-sister/wife beside me can't see." "Hey asshole, why don't YOU TWO switch seats?"

Anyway, SportsGuy had to leave early for a very important meeting with his broker so I watched the last 45 minutes or so of the concert by myself. I sat directly infront of the Missing Link's wife and I didn't move.

After, we went to a club with Muskoka girls. Had quite a nice time. Thanks girls for your encouragement re strange txt msgs from Houston. I'm quite intrigued about getting together this Thursday and visiting the bar. Not quite sure about the "We love the Rarotonga" T-shirts you are planning on making but I'm "all in."

R.

P.S. Correction Notice from "One Crazy Night..."

It was a 26 and a 25 year old not a 26 and 24 year old. I'll let you all guess who gave me shit over that one.

Last guy on the bandwagon...

OK, I've got my facebook account up and running. Now I have to go find some pictures to put there. As I mentioned when starting this blog... no good can come of this.

Good lord!

R.

Holy mental retardation...

God my company is paranoid. They've blocked all the fun websites. No MSN Messenger, hotmail, picturebook, myspace...

What the hell am I supposed to do here anyway??? I'm going to have to start bringing in my own personal laptop. Hopefully there is some free WiFi around somewhere. I wonder if that will raise any red flags amongst my superiors?

R.

Hang Ups...

Is it really possible, I mean really? Possible to look at your life and see the things that could potentially hold you back and decide to change them? Could it really be that simple?

I spend it seems an awful lot of time reflecting on my life and trying to learn more about me and especially how I relate to those around me. I talk to my friends and try to "hear" their feedback and assess it for what it is. Lately, it seems like I'm hearing things for the first time. I'm not suggesting that I should be doing everything my friends say, quite the contrary, many times I'm correct in my feelings of what should be done.

What I'm referring to however seems to be the overwhelming similarity in the advice I've been given from all my friends. "Take it easy." "Relax." "Don't be so uptight." "Try to have fun and enjoy yourself." Most of the advice has had to do with relationships and my Olympian ability to obsess with single minded focus.

I suppose I need to step back and let people be themselves, not fit into a mold of what I want them to be. Perhaps I've been guilty of that in the past. If we (me) are angry at someone for what they're doing, it may be because we expect or want them to do something else. The issue here is really control. We want to control that person to make them do or act the way we want. "She didn't return my email." "She didn't call me back." "She ignored me at a party."

The lesson here may be to let people be themselves and for us to stay true to ourselves. I have come to realise this now more than ever. I cannot, nor do I want to be someone who I'm not. I am who I am and if you're into that then great, if not then also great... but please step aside. I'm 38 years old and don't really have time to fuck around on relationships and activities in my life that I don't enjoy. This seems overly simple. I have always believed that it is easier to make things more complicated than simple.

Time will really tell if I'm actually really on to something. I wonder if I have the internal conviction to stick to and execute this. Change first begins in the mind, then it must move to the heart (emotional) before it actually translates itself to behaviour.

I've been thinking this, now I'm starting to feel it. I feel less angry every day. Its weird, even with all the crap going on in my life right now I feel happy. I feel free. I wait with baited breath to see what tomorrow holds.

I so need to make a list of all my hang-ups ... and then burn it...

R.

Its raining again..

I may have mentioned before but I really like rain. However unlike Roger Hodgson, I do not feel like "My love's at an end." Or for that matter like "I'm losin' a friend." I do like the song though.

I'm sitting at my desk and the sky is dark and its coming down pretty hard. I love the sound of the raindrops as they hit the window. In bed, lying under the covers and listening to the sound of the raindrops outside knowing that I don't have to go to work is the best. The ultimate would have to be at a cottage up north where there is no background city noise and the echo of the thunder as it reflects off the rocks is quite startling.

Looking forward to the week. Last week was pretty great. Learned quite a bit about myself. Its surprising but I'm not as down as I thought I'd be. I'm quite excited about getting a "do-over" with my life. People always say, "if only I knew then what I know now." Well, I"m getting the opportunity to start over. Whether its relationships or my career or life itself, I can't wait for what tomorrow holds. Its like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Now, all I have to do is to get this weight off my gut... laf.

R.

Swedish Pleasure...

Went to the spa for my first ever massage yesterday. A friend from work had some gift certificates and she decided to treat me. She figured with all that has been going on in my life lately that I could use one. I must say she was right. I can't believe that 60 minutes went by so fast. There was a moment there where she was massaging my neck and I think I dozed off.

Its funny, the difference between men and women. Women embrace the spa but for the most part guys, at least the ones that I know, are not big users. Only a few have ever had massages.

Well, I'm a convert. Maybe next time a facial. Manicure and pedicure are definite musts.

I'm starting to enjoy my "Clooney years."

R.

Lack of Posts...

Sorry to those of you who have been asking about my posts. I've been so busy living life lately that I haven't had a chance to write about it. More to come soon though.

R.

My daddy works in an office...

Since we've moved to the new office building about 4 years ago the kids have never visited. I know, terrible. I've planned to do it on so many occasions but after driving all the way into the city every day I rarely want to do it on weekends or days off. Well, this being March break, I thought I would take the kids to the office and show them the mall.

We had the most awesome time. The kids were amazed. "Your office is so cool." "This mall is so huge." We went to a restaurant at the mall that's been around since I was a kid. Nice, we had our lunch comped, probably on account of how much booze I buy there. "Wow daddy, we got our lunch for free?" "Daddy, do you know everyone here?" "Uh, don't tell your mother."

After lunch we went shopping, bought Gameboy games at EB, and these stuffed animals that they're into now called Webkins. Also took the girls to the local costume jewellery store where I normally buy them earrings and they each got to pick out a pair. Then I took them for a manicure at my local place. Yeah, I got one too...but I was seriously due. Danno just sat there patiently and waited for us. It's his birthday today, he's 8, so I took today off too to hang out with them.

We went over to Sleeper's place so they could play with his dog and we saw a helicopter land and take off from the building across the street.

All in all for an 8-12 year old it was quite a nice day out. I suppose I will always be able to do stuff like this with my kids.

One thing that is bothering me though is that on Wednesday night, we took the kids bowling and my oldest daughter said to me,

"Daddy, please don't ever leave us."

"Why, would you say that hun?"

"Oh, no reason. Just don't leave our family. I want you to stay with us."

"Don't worry honey, I will always love you and be in your life."

I'm not sure if my wife said something, but I'm kind of pissed. I'd better have a chat with her this weekend.

R.

Fortune...

I am frequently reminded how fortunate I am to be here in my life now. I'm driving in this morning, and due to the time change, its still dark in the morning. As I'm driving along the street that leads to my parking garage, traffic has stalled because there is a homeless guy, obviously drunk or stoned, wandering down the middle of the road.

As my minor irritation passed, I mean, how dare he momentarily interrupt my day with this wasteland of existence that he calls his life. Then a thought occurred to me. Who is this guy? Where did he grow up? Did he have loving parents?

I have a friend of mine, we both grew up together, went to the same school, the same church and had the same friends. His parents are together today and his siblings are great normal well adjusted people. Yet at this point of his life, he has an alcohol and drug dependency problem. He has pretty much lost everything, all relationships he's had. We're not sure where he will end up but something drastic needs to change. Apparently he has not hit rock bottom yet.

I was the one who grew up in the broken home, who lived in the "bad" part of town, with the alcoholic absentee father. Yet when I look at our lives today they're totally different.

All of this thinking of course is based on my emotional state now of having to separate myself from my kids and family. I know that I'll still be there for them and still see them but life will certainly be different than it is today. Their confidence will be challenged. Their world will change. Perhaps they will be better for it. And maybe the guy walking down the street today grew up in a really nice home with loving parents.

R.

Um, hi...you're driving me crazy...

So, I've got this friend who is going through a bit of a tough time right now. Probably teetering on a mini-nervous breakdown. This has been building for some time now and I've tried my best to be there to be supportive and understanding. She has also been very supportive and understanding with me and the changes and decisions I've had to make in my life. So far so good.

Its just that she's starting to drive me fucking crazy. "Let's go for a drink." "You're taking me for lunch today." "Who are you talking to on the phone?" "What are you meeting with him for?" "Why do we have to go for sushi at lunch?"

Holy crap. Leave me alone already. Do I look like your day husband?

I can see now, in my own life, over so many years that I've been needy and have smothered others with my need for friendship and companionship. I will try to be understanding and supportive and not flame out. I guess ultimately this gives me some perspective in how I deal with others.

I feel like in my life now, I'm standing at the entrance to an amusement park. I don't know which ride I want to go on first but I know I want to go on them all. However, there is not enough time for all of them. I suppose I'd better start making better and tough choices on how I want to live the rest of my days.

I think this is called balance. Interesting concept.

I'm so not going to Benihanna for lunch!!! That's final.

R.

1 crazy night...

Wow, what a crazy 24 hours. I don't know if this single thing is going to be good for me.

Started the evening yesterday with going to the hockey game. The Leafs are losing 3-1 and I make SportsGuy leave the game early so we can get to a bar for a pre-drink before we go to the real bar. He doesn't want to leave yet. "You watch he says, the Leafs will win 4-3" "No way, I said." Anyway as we're sitting at the bar watching the Leafs tie the game and eventually win 4-3, he's pissed at me and we were off to Ultra Supper club on Queen West.

My buddy SportsGuy asked a couple of his friends to join us. One was 24 and the other was 26 and total party girls. A couple of my co-workers showed up and some colleagues with whom I deal. We even hooked up with the owner of one of our larger retailers and the night was underway. We ended up getting a little booth with bottle service and just had the time of our lives. I've been to this club before and didn't have that great a time but I think the combination of people there last night made it a blast. I had an amazing time. Everyone was in good spirits and genuinely had a good time.

So I'm outside with Pepe LePew and my friend Wyseone and we're waiting for a cab. Well, at 2 in the morning when all the clubs are closing its impossible to get a cab. We finally get one and this girl, who was also trying to flag a cab, comes running up and asks us where we're going. Well, even though we were going in the total opposite direction, I let her share the cab with us. I guess I'm just that type of guy. Anyway I ask her where she was going and she said some grungy after hours club with some co-workers. So, I ask if I could go. "You're dressed way too nice for this place," she said. After a little chit chat I she's like "sure" come. Only problem now is I have the other two sitting beside me in the cab. On top of that, this is time change weekend which made it 3 am already. I haven't stopped regretting that I didn't just hop out of the cab with her to this moment. Oh well.

I end up crashing at Sleeper's place, woke up but now my car is at Square One, because I had left it there and SportsGuy drove to the game the night before. A $60 cab ride later (because Sleeper was too sick to drive me) I'm at SportsGuy's place. Its after 1 pm at this point. I'm tired and I haven't showered yet.

Ring, its the phone. Turns out our little party gals from last night are still going. They're at Yonge and Eglinton and they want us to meet them for a drink. "Sorry girls, we can't make it. We have commitments." Ten minutes later we're on the highway on our way to meet the girls. We end up going to this nice Italian restaurant and have an amazing lunch. Nice wine and lots of laughter.

As they head to the next bar, we pull the rip cord. Its already 6:30 pm. I've been out for 27 hours and slept for 4... if you can call that sleeping.

I finally leave SportsGuy's place, he's asleep on the couch. I go home and clean the fish tank. The kids are at a sleepover so the house is quiet. Now all I want to do is sleep... for about 10 years!!!!!

R.

Really heartwarming...

Every once in awhile you see one of these heartwarming stories of people working out their differences in a rational mature manner. Really gets you deep down inside...

BERLIN (Reuters Life!) - A 43-year-old German decided to settle his imminent divorce by chainsawing a family home in two and making off with his half in a forklift truck.
Police in the eastern town of Sonneberg said on Friday the trained mason measured the single-storey summer house -- which was some 8 meters (26 feet) long and 6 meters wide -- before chainsawing through the wooden roof and walls.
"The man said he was just taking his due," said a police spokesman. "But I don't think his wife was too pleased."
After finishing the job, the man picked up his half with the forklift truck and drove to his brother's house where he has since been staying.

If only...

R.

What a day...

Craziest day today. I may have booked myself too many back-to-back meetings. The day started with my first leg workout in about six months, which was very fun but tiring. My last meeting of the day, was with the Vice President of a company we deal with. I show up to her office and she's wearing hip waders. That's right folks, fly fishing fucking hip waders. Then I had to turn around while she took them off. She didn't ask the 10 other people in the room to turn around, just me.

I'm afraid to go to bed tonight.

R.

Welcome to the future...

Hmmm...I'm not sure, but I think my wife has stopped doing my laundry. I went to my underwear drawer and I'm out of underwear. Put on the last clean pair today.

I've thought about asking her, but decided against it quickly. That probably wouldn't be a good idea. I'm OK with her not doing my laundry any more it's just that I haven't planned that into my routine yet. I probably won't be able to get to clothes washing until the weekend so I'd better go buy a few more pairs to carry me over until then.

Its just that I don't like to wear new underwear without washing them first. I've heard that the sanitary conditions at those factories are deplorable. I'd like to skip the Ebola please...or whatever little parasites are hanging around waiting to crawl down some little hole and lay eggs.

Maybe I'll just go commando!

R.

Don't feel like workin'...

Funny but I really don't want to be here today. I don't want to be here so bad today that the only way I can keep from thinking how much I don't want to be here is by working, so I'm actually getting more work done.

I thought today would have been better than it turned out to be. I think that "expectations" will be my great undoing. Now, if only I could shake it off.

R.

Enough...

OK god, you made your point. We've fucked up your planet and now you're determined to freeze us to death. Its -30 with the wind chill out there. You fake us out with the whole global warming thing by having above average temperatures all the way through December and go for the KO with the deep freeze. Nice.

I went to the gym this morning and almost hit the ceiling when I tried to put on my deodorant. Try rubbing a block of ice on your arm pits after 10 minutes in the steam room and a nice long hot shower. My underwear was so cold it was standing up on its own. The boys don't need that kind of torture so early in the morning.

So, we're all really sorry we'll burn less fossil fuels and stuff you know, blah, blah, blah. Make the cold stop.

Sincerely,

R.

Oops...

So my brother calls me this morning. I'm just finishing my work-out at the gym. He's in my neck of the woods at a job site and wanted to know if I wanted to meet him for a coffee.

Sorry dude, already at the gym let's touch base later this week. So I get to my desk and I'm having my protein shake and look at my phone about to change my voicemail message and "Holy Crap" its his birthday today.

So I called him back and of course wished him a Happy Birthday. Wow, my little brother is 35 years old. Unbelievable. I still remember him much like my son is now at 7-8 years old when we all moved to Canada.

My dad had left and didn't really have much time for us and my mom had to work in a sewing factory on the other side of the city. I was left to care for my brother and sister. Sometimes my memories are so clear, I can remember all of us getting up (my mom left the house at 6:30 am) and we'd have breakfast and watch Mr. Greenjeans or Friendly Giant and Mr. Dressup. There was this stupid cartoon with a eerily haunting song that has stuck with me all these years. It was about a kid named Simon and he had a magic stick of chalk and things he drew came to life. Now that I look back on it, that was a creepy show. I think Mike Meyers did a skit with this character on SNL awhile back. Wow, what would I draw with a magic stick of chalk!!!!

During the summer months, we'd go to the local pool and hang out all afternoon. Let's see I would probably have been in Grade 7 then which would mean I was 11 years old. My friends and I all went to see Sandy because she was the first of the grade 7 girls to grow big breasts and boy were they beautiful... I think...

I don't really know where I was going with this except that my little brother is 35 today and I guess that's really something.

R.

First Day...

Of the rest of my life. Whoooooo. Let's see now. What first. So many things I've always wanted to do.

Run a marathon - check
Climb a Mountain - hmmmm...does head in lap count?
Write a novel- I've read a novel.
Get in shape - well, round is a shape.

Screw it this is too much work. What I really want now is a cheeseburger...mmmm...with bacon....

R.

Saturday Night...

OK, sitting here at AL's place. We've had a great dinner and Tush has passed out. Al says I can't pick any more songs because it sounds like a "chick party." I guess I pick bad songs. However, getting together and having a great dinner and listening to music is what life is really about.

Hope all of you are having a great night.

R.

(not so) Special Day...

Well, today March 2, 2007 is my 16th wedding anniversary or what it is now referred to...Friday.

Let's see, I'm 38 years old now and if you count the year we were dating before marriage it would mean that I've been in this relationship for 45% of my life.

Things are actually not that bad at home right now which is kind of bugging me. My wife is quite friendly and civil. Even called me yesterday to make sure I was OK driving home in the snow. I guess we've been together but apart for so long that nothing has really changed. Hopefully the friendship can continue after the separation for the sake of the kids.

OK, I have to go meet with my boss now so I can sit for an hour-and-a-half and tell him what I'm working on (instead of doing it), so he can manage me. I guess I'm in need of some good management.

He's got 3 leasing people reporting to him. One is on maternity leave and the other just quit for another job. I guess I'll be doing double time, like Tracy Lordes on her "best of" video. Better get lots of lube!

R.

Yikes...

Just looked out the window. Perhaps I spoke too soon with my last post. I think the world really is going to end. OMG!

R.

New Sensation...

I don't know, but maybe Michael Hutchence was onto something years ago. It seems that everywhere you turn the news channels are sensationalizing common events.

Take today. I've been hearing all week that we're getting a storm in the city. I listen to the news radio station this morning and its like Armageddon. I'm expecting rivers to turn into blood and frogs to start falling from the sky. Any moment now the four horseman of the apocalypse will go galloping down Yonge street.

Good god people, its going to rain and yes the rain might freeze and the roads might get slippery. I think they have a word for that, hmm...letsee...WINTER! Its friggin' winter out there.

People are so apathetic now. No one really gives a shit about anything. We want to see that freak show shave her head and get tattoos on the back of her neck.

As a student of history, I've spent time studying many ancient cultures. I'm surprised when people refer to some of them (like the Romans for example), as barbarians. The whole thought of gladiators fighting in a ring and then feeding the losers to the lions seems grotesque to us.

As I look at what our culture has become, we are really no different. We delight in other's misfortunes and want our senses tickled by all that is garish.

I guess at the end of the day, in the words of Depeche Mode...."People are people..."

R.

Correction Notice...

Please replace all references to "Pumper" with "Rammer" in the post below.

Thank You...

To all my friends, you know who you are, thank you for your encouragement and support over the years. You've listened to be belly ache about my life and have patiently waited until I was ready for the change. I am especially thankful for your support recently as I have made probably one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make in my life.

As you know, my emotions are running pretty raw at the moment. Its true, the feelings do come in waves. One moment I'm excited about my future and all the possibilities it holds and the other I'm feeling guilty about abandoning my family because of my own needs.

Now...as to the comments made yesterday....

Funniest line yet....

I got the nickname Ian Hanomansing from the photo on my ICSC badge. (He's a prominent news anchor on CBC).

Last night Destructo came up with "Ian Handsome-man-thing." Friggin' hilarious. I'm still laughing now.

If you've been a frequent reader of this blog then you know that my nickname is "The Smoocher.' Well, last night the thought was raised about retiring the "Smoocher" and launching "The Pumper" (for obvious reasons). I think I laughed so hard I was brought to tears. I don't think the Smoocher is ready to go anywhere yet. As for the Pumper, well, let's just say I'm not exactly a porn star.

Thanks guys. Stupid jokes and good times are just what the doctor ordered.

Here's to tomorrow.

R.

Feelings...

Guilt... sadness... excitement... remorse... shame... cowardice... conviction... hope... despair... resolve!

The deed...

...is done!

(I feel like a bag of shit swimming in a lake of vomit.)

Strength of conviction...

The way before me is clear, but fraught with peril. I can see the goal. Is the prize worth the pain?

R.

Sideways...

Well, if you read my earlier post, then you know that I wasn't looking forward to dinner tonight. Funny how life turns out, when you have no expectations and you least expect something you get a treat.

I'm at the restaurant tonight and we're doing the chit chat and I take the wine list and start looking through for a nice wine to order. I'm initially disappointed because its mostly blends and not big on the Cab Sauve dep't which my boss (sitting beside me) really likes.

I get to the Pino section and see something. "Could it be?" I wondered. "Nah, it couldn't!

I see three different bottles of Hitching Post. It can't possibly be the same Hitching Post.

"Um, excuse me waitress?"

"Yes, sir" (everyone always seems to call me "sir" now...see earlier post)

"Is this the same Hitching Post as..."

"Yes sir, it is."

"No, I mean is this the same Hitching Post from the movie?"

"That's right, it is. I'll get Jeff to come over, he'll explain it."

One of my favourite movies of the past couple of years is Sideways. Not only is it about wine, its about guys having a mid-life of sorts and each searching for fulfillment in his own way.

I totally love this movie and often talked to my friends about doing a Sideways tour of our own. I long to visit the wine region of California and doing the tour.

So there I am sitting in the restaurant tonight at a dinner I didn't want to be at staring at a wine list with Hitching Post. (If you've seen the movie, you know the Hitching Post)

So we order a bottle. Hitching Post, Pino Noir, "Rio Vista Vineyard," Santa Maria Valley, California. $110.

Yummy. It was absolutely fantastic. I'm so excited, I'm beside myself. I so have to do that tour.

Pino anyone?

R.

Just reading yesterday's post...

I know I sounded a little stoned, OK maybe a lot stoned but I wasn't! Seriously. I guess it gets to the point now when people get to know you always ranting and raving about something they wonder WTF has happened.

Let's see. Today is a work day. I woke up tired, dragged my ass in here, made some personal calls and went to lunch. I have a mountain of things to do which I'd better get to this aft. Today does not look beautiful. The sky is grey and its fairly dreary outside.

I have to go to a dinner tonight with a client that I don't feel like going out with. I'm off to Montreal on Wednesday and back Thursday morning only to go to a meeting all afternoon on Thursday before going to a restaurant opening on Thursday evening. I'm not looking forward to this week already.

I wonder why I'm so tired all the time. Went to bed at 11:30 pm which wasn't so bad but was dead tired this morning.

OK, hope its a good day in everyone else's neighbourhood today.

R.

What a beautiful day in the neighbourhood...

I had to run a couple of errands this morning and I can't get over how beautiful a day it is outside. The snow hasn't melted and the sun is shining brighter than ever, it looks like a postcard.

Typically winter days tend to be the clearest, I think it has something to to with smog or ozone layer or something. Summer mornings aren't quite as crisp and clear as winter ones. One of the things I miss about running, while I was training for my marathon, was seeing the sunrise. I used to leave the house around 6 or 6:30 am and was able to watch the sun rise over the lake. I actually don't live too far from Lake Ontario and my route took me along a path along the waterfront.

When I was younger I was into photography, these used to be my favourite days to take pictures, always got the best results. I was so impressed with this morning that I headed down to the bottom of my street to the little parkette and snapped this pic. Should have gone into the house and taken a better camera. This one's from my cellphone. Hardly publishing quality but it will do in a pinch.

R

Lulu Window

This was the Lulu store window that I really liked. Most other people I spoke to hated it.

Of course the jokes are plenty,

What's next month?

"Stop busting my balls?"
"Quit riding my ass?"
"Stop fucking the dog."

OK enough!

R.

Charlie Brown

Good lord, just had lunch at the local Chinese restaurant now I'm sitting at my desk and I feel like I'm in a Charlie Brown episode. Wha, wha, wha, wha, wha...

They say they don't put MSG in the food, but what the hell have they replaced it with, heroin? This is not good. I especially didn't have a beer because I was hoping to be a little productive today. Might as well have gotten hammered.

My buddy H and I were thinking of excuses to get out of the office.

"Sorry boss I have to leave early."

"Why?"

"Aahh, my friend died..."

Next Day

"So Rar, how was the funeral."

"Ahh, what funeral?"

"You said your friend died."

"Oh, you didn't hear the last part of that sentence? She died her hair. Yeah, she's a blonde now. Sorry dude, didn't mean to worry you. Peace out."

R.

Coronary inc...

Two and a half hours of shoveling snow. Good thing I took the day off. As its Valentine's Day I'm spending some time with an old friend of mine...Black Opal...Chardonnay...

Lates...

R.

What the....?

OK, I'm lying in bed under my down comforter listening to the all news radio station that wakes me up every morning, totally enjoying the fact that I wasn't going to work today.

So, in my semi-wake-sleep-fantasy consciousness. I hear a news story...

Something along the lines of "Men with vasectomies have a higher rate of dementia." Now this is a correlation study, meaning that they looked at all men with vasectomies and dementia and compared them to the non-v group and the same. I know that scientifically correlation does not prove causation but MF!

Isn't it just the way though? Another one of life's cruel ironies. If men had erection dysfunction because of vasectomies I would get that. But to still be able to have erections but lose all mental function. (The humor here is not lost on me, but nevertheless...) I swear sometimes I think the world is profoundly broken.

Anyway, nice heart warming story on Valentine's Day.

R.

The Perfect "Snow" Storm...

Greetings from the inside of one of those Christmas ornaments. You know the ones, a base with a glass bubble and you shake them up and it snows on the fake town inside. That's kind of what it feels like right now as I sit in my living room and look out the window.

The storm is passing. The area where I live typically doesn't get above average snow so when we get hit with a big dump like this its a bit of a deal. I have a couple of feet of snow outside that I have to dig out of. Been postponing that task for a few hours.

The kids school got cancelled today so they're home. We're having a little Valentine's Day party.

OK, so why do I always feel guilty about staying home and not going to work. I rarely ever take snow days or sick days. On a day like this however, why not take it easy and make it a mental health day. I've got to start doing that more. There are others in my office that do it often. Actually though, if the kids weren't home today I probably would not have taken the day off.

I think my neighbours have shoveled already. Maybe if I wait long enough then the wind will blow all my snow over to their driveways. They will probably be mad at me but last time I checked God invented wind, so its not really my fault. :p

R.

My door is open...

OK, so I'm feeling much better today. Its amazing what a good night's sleep will do. We have a big snow storm coming. I love snow storms. Actually I love storms in general. Get a few things done an punch out early...nice plan.

R.

Foul not Fowl...

God I'm in a foul mood today. And I don't mean I feel like a domesticated chicken! When I'm up I'm usually way up. I can take anything in stride. When I'm down however, its not pretty. I hate being surrounded by negativity, it gets to me.

I have a lot going on in my life right now both personally and professionally. I have so much to do at work and the pressure is getting to me a little. Today is the day that I look at the picture on my blog titled "paradise" and just feel like saying fuck everything and just go there. I could be one of those guys selling t-shirts on the beach. So what, I won't make the money I do now but wouldn't have to put up with the bullshit either.

I think everyone in the office can tell how I feel as well. I never have my door closed, unless I'm on a personal phone call or something. Most other people in the office will close their door but mine is 99% never closed. Today...closed.

I need to focus on production. Need to get stuff off my desk.

I don't like when people cut up other people all the time. There is one friend that I've been spending a lot of time with who tends to make cutting remarks about everyone. The last few times we've been together have really kind of pissed me off. Not everyone is that bad and you're not that fucking good.

Oh, and another thing. I don't really want to be that ripped this summer. I'm a fucking middle aged male who likes to cook and drink. I'm never going to have a washboard stomach. I'd probably like to drop about 5 or 10 pounds which I'll do by working out but not interested in being an underwear model. I'm reasonably intelligent, very funny and I think a nice guy. I have many interests along with many faults. That's good enough. The end.

I'm eating a quesadilla with chicken and about 10 pounds of cheese right now. It tastes so good dipped in sour cream.

I am sure now more than ever that February is the worse month of the year. Its been friggin' so cold for so long that I think it puts me in the mood that I'm in. What I wouldn't give right now to be sitting on a patio with a nice bottle of wine staring at a bunch of waitresses with really big breasts! Only a few more months. Hope I don't go postal!

R.

Cruel Irony...

Why is it that some one who loves music as much as I do is totally tone deaf? Perhaps one of god's cruel ironies. Seriously, I couldn't carry a tune if it was strapped to my back, if it was in a bucket, if you get my drift. Nonetheless, I have no greater passion....

R.

Sacred Sunday...

Sunday's are nice, especially when you get to sleep in. I love to sleep in. One of the greatest feelings is when you wake up and think 'shit, I'm late for work' only to realize that its the weekend and you can go back to sleep.

My wife is not feeling well today and felt like having brunch so I dragged my ass out of bed, showered and quick trip to the little grocery store and brunch was on. Did some eggs, peameal bacon, sauteed mushrooms, grilled tomatoes topped with grated parmesan, chicken strips crusted with sun dried tomatoes, croissants (thank-you Pillsbury Dough Boy), cucumber tomato salad, coffee, toast etc.

Gotta give the kids a bath, clean my fish tank and maybe organize a few things around the house. The one drawback (there are many) about living so far away from the office (about 1hr 20 mins each way), is that I don't spend as much time as I would like at home. Usually I get home put the kids to bed and immediately go and watch TV or game on the computer. Its nice to be able to sit sometimes and just relax.

The last 20 or so years of my life 9 weekends out of 10 we'd be off to church Sunday mornings. It wasn't bad but it really broke up the weekend. Typically Saturdays are chores, shopping and carting the kids around day and by the time you get home from church on Sunday the weekend is over.

Anyway, here's to enjoying the weekend. Tomorrow the crap can start again...

R.

Context for previous post...

I was born in Georgetown and grew up in Anna Regina.

Memories...

I've been trying to figure out what my most distant memory is. Its hard to tell because I have bits of images in my head but I can't really differentiate between them. Whether its me walking to school or sitting on our front porch its really all the same at this point.

I usually have a good memory for everything except numbers but I wonder why I don't remember more from my childhood. The fact that I've been here in Canada for about 28 years and have never visited where I grew up may be a factor. That could jog some memories for me. I would have liked to see my old public school and the like. After this many years though it may not even exist any longer.

We came to Canada when I was almost 10 years old so I guess most of my 'childhood' was really spent here. The key adolescent and teenage years I do remember. I unlike many of my friends can vividly remember seeing snow for the first time. Being from a tropical climate, you don't see too much snow. I also remember the first time I saw TV, we didn't have televisions when I grew up. Now there was the start of a love affair that hasn't ended. Ten foot screen in the basement to prove it. LOL.

God, I'm so having a midlife crisis. Except my old college psychology professor said that scientifically there is really no such thing. Thank-you.

I've been meaning to call you...

Whoo! Great Hip concert last night. They played some hits and some new stuff and of course everyone's new favourite song...in View.

My head is a little heavy today. Feel like I've been hit by a beer truck or maybe vodka truck, whatever.

Fun was had by all. Only one thing missing for me last night which would have made the night perfect. But then again, perhaps perfection is overrated or at the very least a spurious goal.

R.

Pleasure and Pain

I remember a few years back I had to go to my chiropractor because of a stiff neck and sharp pain under my shoulder blade. As part of the treatment, the muscle had to be iced. He made and interesting comment. He said that he was going to put the ice pack on my back but I would feel a burning sensation because the nerve endings cannot differentiate between hot and cold. I've always found that interesting. Many times I've had to ice a muscle due to injury and sure enough, always burning.

This thought came to me this morning as I was working out. I've been back 3 days now and feel totally amazing. I can't emphasize enough the feeling sitting here at my desk after a good workout, I could eat nails. I feel like there is nothing in the world I can't do. I feel power coursing through my veins.

Which of course comes back to the point of this post. During my spinning class yesterday and during some of the most intense parts of my workouts the body feels the pain but it is immediately followed by the most intense feelings of pleasure I've ever felt. I think it has something to do with endorphins being released into the body or something. The feeling nonetheless is well...(god I'm going to regret writing this)...orgasmic.

I've never done any hard drugs and the few times I've smoked pot, totally hated it. So I can't tell if there are other things out there that makes one feel as good. I'm sure the heroin and opium users could give some insight here, but alas my blog is not that popular.

I guess I need to remember the intensity of the feelings after the work-out to help me get out of bed in the morning...which of course is the real challenge.

OK, off to eat some nails...

R.

Time...

Where the hell does it go? I come into the office and between the emails, phone ringing and people asking me questions I don't get anything done.

I swear to god if someone invites me to another meeting I'm going to lose it, strip naked and take a big shit on the boardroom table in front of everyone.

Why do people feel the need to copy me on email discussions they're having with other people. Are you crazy? Can't you tell by the way I ignore your emails I couldn't possibly care that you are asking so-and-so to do whatever-the-fuck?

Don't keep me in the loop. You should stand on a chair and put the loop around your neck and then kick the chair out from under you.

Aaah...that feels better.

R.

Oakley...

Friends of mine got a dog this weekend. I post it because if I ever got a dog he would look like this. Would love to have one, just don't want to take care of him. Kids-in-diapers is still too fresh in my memory. Someday...

R.

Superbowl

OMG my friggin intestines are on fire. I think I may have put a little too much chili in my chili if you know what I mean.

Oh well, it will make the beer taste better. Gots the boyz comin over to watch "Da Bearz."

Chili is made....
Beer in the fridge....
Sausages ready to go, (got brats, hot Italian, nuremburgers those are skinny white German ones also veal spinach ones...fantastic)
Hot buffalo wings...
Perogies with bacon of course...
Potato salad with bacon of course...
Creamy coleslaw...

In the beer department I've got...
Corona
MGD
Heineken
Grolch
Stella

This probably won't be the healthiest meal I'll eat this week. I wonder if all this food is contributing to the fact that my pants are getting smaller? Nah...

OK, enough rest. I have to go vacuum the basement and get my room organized. I'm a little light on wine so I have to go to the liquor store. Plus the guy at the pet store scammed me for 2 guppies yesterday so I should go get my fish before they forget.

Hope everyones day goes well...

Only because I know you're all wondering...

Dinner tonight was seafood risotto. One of my all time favourite dishes. I can't believe this is only the second time I've ever made it at home.

I must admit though, I don't mean to be arrogant but its one of the best I've ever tasted. Risotto cooked in chicken broth with shitake mushrooms, white asparagus, shrimp, ocean perch and sea scallops.

I'm washing it down with one of my faves, Rosemount Chardonnay.

I guess my three favourite dishes in order are:

1. Osso Buco (a veal shank cooked slowly in a tomato sauce, usually served with risotto)
2. Seafood linguine (best in a spicy tomato sauce with mussels, sea scallops, shrimp, calamari. Also include clams and fish to make it perfect)
3. Seafood risotto (see above)

Now, I've left so much out, from Chinese, Thai to Indian food. I have too many favourites that sometimes I wonder why I list these three.

Tomorrow for Superbowl I'm making Chili (beef, turkey and pork), sausages, hot wings, perogies, potato salad and coleslaw.

Should be a nice day.

R.

Montreal...

Oh how I love thee so...

My shot glass runneth over...

Hey, when does the room stop spinning?

R.

Management 101

OK, so if you're my boss, and I tell you at a meeting that the following things are important and they need to get done to move this project forward.

When you walk by my office later in the day or the next day and say, oh you know, so and so is really important we need to get it done. That doesn't help me. I don't know why YOU think that is helpful but trust me, its really not. I was the one who told you how important it was. I get it.

Please go manage some other people. I'm good.

Thanks,

Why does it take a 7 year old to show me I'm retarded...

I'm sitting in the car about to drive my little guy to gymnastics.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Dano."

"How come when you push the button in the car and all the windows are closed the garage door still closes?"

[Deep authoritative voice] "Well son, you see it uses radio waves."

"Radio waves? But how does it get through the windows when they're closed daddy?"

"Radio waves go through solid objects buddy, it doesn't matter if the windows are closed."

(Feeling smug now.)

"Ooooh." [pause] "Does it even go through 'water' daddy?"

Motherf...ah, oops...

"Ah, ah...water you say...um sh...sure buddy of course it does."

Good god son your dad is a phony, a hoax. The one medium that he could have picked.

Oh well, he'll find out soon enough that I'm and idiot and then he'll put me in a home where I can eat canned peaches and drink my apple juice from a spill proof cup.

I'll try to enjoy these moments when I can.

R.

Woo Hoo....

Got Hip tickets. Private box, we don't have to sit with the commoners. Plus we will have someone serving us our food and drinks. God my life is tough.

Laf, talk about knowing who my friends are, I guess I'll find out now.

:D

Its great to know who your friends are...

Most of us spend and interact with lots of people in our daily lives. Some of them we call friends. Good friends though, not only know who you are but they call your bullshit!

Well, in the last 24 hours I've had a couple of my friends do that to me. Its nice to have someone who knows you and can call you out yet help you to be better.

Focus on being fun, energetic, charming, the life of the party.

Stop being so heavy and taking things personally.

I suppose I've been way too emotional and heavy over the past couple of years. Here's to letting that go and taking things lighter. Tall task for me, but hopefully with the help of my friends...smooth sailing.

R.

Changing Behaviour

Its quite difficult to change behaviour. I suppose there are many reasons. Comfort, physical dependency, fear of change, inadequate goals.

There are things about me that I want to change. I wonder sometimes however if the emotional changes I want to make will be truly beneficial. The way I relate to people is not necessarily bad but in certain circumstances has results that were and are undesirable. Do I change the way I approach people from now on?

I suppose, that if in many circumstances, I behave a certain way and get the same certain result and, if I'm unhappy with that result, then perhaps a new method needs to be developed. The problem with the any method is that its untried and unproven and may not result in a better outcome.

My experiences in 2005 and 2006 have made me more weary of jumping in without testing the waters. Both feet on the gas wearing a blindfold is not a good way to get to a destination. Patience and caution have never been virtues of mine but may need to become so. Less can be more and silence can be deafening. Perhaps the way up is down. Who can tell?

To start a journey without a destination means that we will never get there. Yet I know in the past I've started many such journeys knowing where it would lead but hoping that it somehow would be different. Knowing ahead of time that it will end badly, is it still worth getting in the car? No one of us truly knows how things will end and perhaps it is heaven that awaits.

Energy, excitement and enthusiasm have always been my strengths and I doubt I will lose those but perhaps new qualities will compliment the old very well.

You can't lose something you never had so why worry.

I doubt I could have been more cryptic with this post but too many people who know me read this blog. Those who need to understand this already do and for the rest of you I hope I didn't babble too long, I will get back to my usual rants later. I just wanted to post something personal. I'm just in that kind of mood today.

LOL...

Well 2007 Whistler Conference in the books...

As I mentioned earlier not too much changes. A few new faces. I am tired but as usual recharged to tackle 2007 and do things.

Looking forward to going back to the gym and getting in a little better shape. Spending a bit more time with my friends and doing something fun this year. I think some kind of trip is in order.

It looks like the anthem for 2007 will be Tragically Hip - In View. We listened to it about 100 times in the last 5 days and I absolutely can't get it out of my head. The concert is Feb. 8 and it should be a blast.

Our 2005 anthem was U2 - Elevation and in 2006 it was Green Day - Holiday.

The Hip...

I love you.
You know I doYea, it’s perfect…well, it isn’t and it is

And I’ve been meaning to call you
I’ve been meaning to call you
Then I do
I’ve been meaning to call you
I’ve been meaning to call you
Then I do

Phone rings once
Phone rings twice
Phone rings three times

I am of you
You are in everything I do
I do

The most important things in life...

Got into this discussion with someone last night. What are the most important things in our lives?

I was able to name three. It occurred to me at the time though that the speed in which I named them off may have been due to the fact that I haven't given this enough thought. Or perhaps in my inebriated state I had a moment of lucidity. Or not...

Aside from our own health and safety and that of our loved ones, what is really important to us?

I was able to identify music, cooking and writing. Are the important things the ones we end up doing? People will say that exercise is important to them but they spend little time doing it. It's not what we think "should" be important but what "is" at the moment. Once we identify those we can then assess them and even replace them.

Every journey begins with an assessment of where we are. Whether its directions to the mall or an emotional journey to better our selves. We need to know where we are before we can get to where we're going.

I guess its time to put some more thought into where I am today.

R.

Perhaps...

I should learn to ski. I think about that every year that I come here. I see all the people in their ski gear and hear stories about how nice the "powder" is "up there." Pretentious bastards!

Thankfully this feeling will fade within a few days of leaving this place.

Life is better with a soundtrack.

Sitting here in Whistler in a room with a patio, none of us knew existed, makes one ponder life. The clouds are hanging over the snow covered peaks and the sun is shining. The tunes are playing and we are having a couple of drinks. What more is there. I've been fortunate in my life to be able to come here for 8 years in a row and it is different yet the same every time. Maybe here is the same but I'm different. What ever it is, its not bad for a kid who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks.

Here's to appreciating where we are in life. "Glass is half full," or perhaps, "my cup runneth over" is more appropriate.

R.

Cassette?

How did we ever survive? I remember sitting up at night and taping songs from the radio on my cassette recorder. Now my kids pull them up instantly on YouTube on a wireless laptop. Can't believe we made it this far.

What's next?

So full....

Wow, nice dinner tonight...

Made stuffed pork tenderloin. Stuffing was made with onion, garlic, chestnuts, breadcrumbs/croutons, clery and mushrooms.
Had some stuffing left over so stuffed some chicken breasts, dredged them in egg and breadcrumbs before browning and baking them.

Also made a nice potato salad with bacon and roasted garlic. I roasted the garlic for 60 minutes before adding it to the potato salad with mayo.

A couple of glasses of Rosemount Chardonnay and what can I tell you. Life is grand.

R.

Creepy

So, the building that I work in is attached to a mall and they have the absolute worst Santa display Ive ever seen. Its bad enough that most of these guys are freakin pedophiles but this one is sitting on a white leather couch. Holy phuckin' creepy. He's probably got the vodka mickey stuck between the cushions.

Racism?

Wow a comedian lost his temper and made some racial remarks on stage. OMG networks, stop everything. This is front page news.

What? You say people are being summarily slaughtered all over the world every day because of racism? Women and children sold in to slavery and bondage because they're not considered human beings? The world once again facing a nuclear build up because of racial and ideological differences. Baah....that's all crap.

Are you not listening??? The guy from Sinefeld lost his temper on stage and used the "N" word. To the gallows!!!

R.

It ain't pretty...

Went to INXS concert tonight. Friggin' awesome. JD Fortune was amazing. I guess by judging at the crowd tonight, I've gotten old...Oh well, at least I'm not fat! Holy fuck Hamilton stop fucking eating!

Unbelievable!

*Sigh*

Hmmm...

let's see

-made it 30 days without drinking. nice goal. drinking now....happy again

-Exec. VP quit for big job in USA. People here really upset, crying and shit. Holy phuck, losers.

- Birthday last week. 38! 2 grey hairs!

- need to stop begining all my sentences with the word "fuck"

Ok that's it for now, fuck. I will post again soon fuck.

R.

Could it be...

almost 30 days since I last posted? Wow...you'd think I'd have more to say...

Danny California

Hmm...haven't posted in some time. Been quite busy. Red Hot Chili Peppers concert last night. Awesome. Good god the acoustics at ACC sucks. Great performance by the band though.

Never saw so many ugly teens smoking pot in my life. Fugly.

Giveitaway, giveitaway, giveitaway now...

Sir...

Um, exactly when did I become a "Sir." As I'm ordering my coffee this morning the woman says, "Thank you sir." Sir? Wow, she was talking to me. It got me thinking, at excacly what age did I transition from being just a guy to Sir.

Elton John became a Sir when a queen touched him with her sword...no, not that kind of queen and that kind of sword you perv.

Its not like we live in 19th century England when everyone was referred to as sir. Well, wished someone had told me the day, I would have had a party of some kind with all my friends where we could have sat around in tuxedos or smoking jackets and sipped cognac.

As I was working out this morning, Glory Days by Bruce Springsteen came on and I thought, wow, look at these old people trying to relive their youth. Then I thought, wait that song is from fucking 1984, that's 22 years ago and I still know all the damn words! As for reliving youth, I'm sure getting out of bed at 5:30 in the morning to and drive to the gym and work out for 90 minutes has nothing to do with that. :D

Well, in the words of Blink 182,

...My friends say I should act my age.... What's my age again?

R.

Anyone got an extra pair of legs I can borrow?

Well its day 2 and all is going according to plan. Two days at the gym, eating my 6 meals per day of fairly healthy food.

I can't tell you how tired I am at this moment because...well, I'm too tired. I know my legs are around here somewhere, I seem to have lost all feeling in them. Tomorrow the pain arrives.

Motherf....ahh to tired to curse.

Fiscal 07 here we go...

Its just how I feel. I know the new year doesn't start until January but growing up I always felt like Labour Day was the last day of the year. It obviously has to do with starting school and starting a new school year. This feeling has remained with me and is just as strong as ever.

Whenever I make resolutions, it usually begins in the Fall and not in January. Something about making changes in the dead of winter when all you're really looking forward to is summer, seems unnatural.

I would say that this was a good summer. I know that summer doesn't officially end until Sept. 21 but today is the unofficial end. The weather was great. We had a nice holiday. Unfortunately I only played 2 rounds of golf this year because I was so busy at work. Perhaps next year will be better.

Last year was spent training for my marathon. I can't believe the anniversary of that event is just around the corner. This summer was spent training to look like the Buddha. I think I've achieved my goal. Just stick a ruby in my bellybutton and I can lay down.

This up-coming year (fiscal 07), will be different. I will exercise more, drink less, read more, be more focused and efficient with my time. Yes I will, magically evolve into all that I've wanted to be...tomorrow...

Its like little orphan Annie all over again....tomorrow, tomorrow....all will be better tomorrow. I am trivialising this of course. To change and truly change one must go through a series of steps and hard work. I have made my goals, even written them down and prepared myself mentally for that lies ahead. I hope, with some confidence, that I've set realistic goals. I've made an effort to balance my needs and desires with reality and what I really "can" do.

I do not want to change everything about me. I rather like the way I am at the moment. I just want to add a couple of things that are missing and remove a couple of things that are not productive. I guess time will tell how effective the plan really is and to what level success will be achieved.

I wonder why sometimes that I'm always driving for change. Always wanting to improve and make something different. Sometimes I think I should just be happy with the 'status quo' and enjoy life. The question is whether or not we can truly enjoy life if we do not grow and change and strive to be more than what we are.

So, on the eve of the new year. I pause, wonder, reflect, plan, anticipate and motivate. Tomorrow is a new day, sure its filled with the same problems and challenges but what a great opportunity to move ahead.

Happy New Year everyone...

R.

Been

a week now and I haven't posted, bad me. Much has happened. Must update soon. I will leave you with the best quote I've heard yet....

Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!

I so must motherfucking update my motherfucking blog....

Camping Report

Weather didn't hold...fun was had by all.

Camping

Wow, haven't been camping in about 12 years but today we're off. Should be fun, lots of work but fun. Hope the weather holds.

Huh?

My boss has been riding my ass the last few days about getting together with her. This is nothing unusual except that today I finally got together with her and she gave me a salary increase. A nice one too! Our company salary increases are usually in March. In the six years I've been here I've not heard of anyone getting one in September. Strange...but nice.

Hope you all are having a good day.

Billboard on Broadway in New York...

Wow...so, your husband was screwing around on you? Shocker...

You really showed him, spending the money to advertise on a billboard from your "joint" account.

Rofl!!!

R.

Signs...of the end...

...of summer that is.

1. The Ex (aka. CNE, Exhibition) has started. Slack jawed no teeth trolls known as "carneys" make their annual salaries over these 14 days.

2. It was fucking dark this morning at 5:15 am when I dragged my arse out of bed to go to the gym.

3. Its getting cold at night now. Actually need a jacket.

4. I'm starting to lose stuff in the back yard because the grass is 'really' getting long.

5. Those stupid Staples back to school commercials.

6. Those even-more-stupid commercials for the new fall TV shows most of which won't be around to see the end of September.

7. NFL season has started. Yipee!

8. Actually getting tired of beer...well, sort of...

R.

Cat's Pee on a Gooseberry Bush

I've heard so much about this wine that I had to try it. Well, what can I say...

Obviously the cat has some kind of infection and I'm not sure what he was peeing on but that don't taste like no gooseberry bush...laf.

Seriously, this wine is pretty nice. Light, a little citrus, bit of a tart finish, quite good with my bbq'd chicken. If you're used to or don't like oakey Chardonnay's this is a nice change. The semillion and sauv. blanc make a nice combination. Definitely a nice summer wine with anything spicy. I'd like to try this with some of my firey curry. Yum.

I bought 2 bottles, which I'll probably end up finishing especially if O. comes over...which he probably will.

Give it a try, its about $14 a bottle. Not bad.


R.

Blogging in Bed

Well, its 3:30 am and I'm sitting in bed with my new computer when I should be sleeping. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

New Computer

Ok, don't know what possessed me but I've been thinking about getting a portable computer for some time now. Well, bought one this morning. Sweet.

Its got a 17 inch wide screen. The question is whether or not its worth paying the extra for the screen or use the money for a 15.4 inch screen with better ram and hard drive.

I have 15 days to decide whether or not I want to keep this or return it.

Sweet computer though.

R.

You've got to be kidding...

Ok, I'm sitting at my desk moving papers around trying to look busy as people walk by my office. I come upon today's paper and the headline is,
"UN Pleads for Troops."
Below this headline, in the most prominent location is a picture of a dolphin with the headline, "Dolphins, not so smart after all"

[deep breath] ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????

In the SAME paper we have people being killed indiscriminately by rockets, war raging all over the world, conference for AIDS just finished in Toronto reporting shocking death toll and devastation of the population, some freak arrested for raping and murdering that 6 year old girl from Colorado, airports on high security because of terrorist threats, poverty... and you're telling me the Dolphins are the stupid ones??????

I think its time we take a look in the mirror if we're looking for stupidity.

On the next page is a list of the top ten smart animals...

10. Parrots
9. Elephants
8. Cats
7. Dogs
6. Corvids (crows, ravens, jays and magpies) (I thought these were just regular birds)
5. Octopuses (seriously!) (I know what you're thinking, I checked the dictionary its either octopuses or octopi)
4. Pigs
3. Cetaceans (dolphins, whales)
2. New World monkeys
1. Great apes (humans, chimpanzees, gorillas, orangutans, bonobos)

Woo, that's right animal kingdom, take that, we rock!!!. We did a survey and found out that we're smarter than all of you so go lick your private parts and mate with your relatives.

We rule the fucking world and as supreme rulers we've decided to destroy the world and all life on it. Our decision is final.

R.

My horoscope...

Scorpio

You will have a hunch, today. Perhaps you should try a firmer mattress?

Opposites Attract

Can someone explain this to me please? Why do opposites attract? Is it because we secretly want to be the opposite of what we are? Because we're quiet we are attracted to someone who is outgoing because it somehow completes us?

Where do we draw the line? I like sushi but she doesn't that's really cute. I've posted previously in jest about the toothpaste and toilet paper things (read below). At which point, when all the opposite things stack together do you realize, WTF am I doing with this person? It is no longer cute but rather annoying.

I read somewhere once that "opposites attract divorce lawyers," cute but what its the truth. How are we to know what is a good opposite and a bad opposite?

What are we thinking?

You can always tell what a society is up to by takng a snapshot of current trends. Whether its fashion, music, literature or media such as television.

For years we were into cop shows like Hill Street Blues then we got into reality shows like Survivor and Big Brother, then crime drama like CSI...

I was listening to the radio and heard the following songs not in a row but over the course of a couple of days. I'm trying to figure out what we're up to.

Buck Cherry - Crazy Bitch

Hey! You're a crazy bitch But you fuck so good I'm on top of it When I dream I'm doing you all night Scratches all down my back to keep me right on ...

Danko Jones - First Date

Do you kiss on the first date?Heyyyyyyyyyy let's do it on the first date?Heyyyyyyyyyy what do you do on the first date?Heyyyyyyyyyy do you kiss on the first date?Cause I do, cause I do, cause I do,Cause I do, cause I do, cause I do, Wuh-hoo-hoo!

Mobile - Out of my Head

I must be out of my head It must be something I said So come on I'll waste my life You think I'm out of my head But I'm romantically dead So come on I'll waste my life on you

Raconteurs - Steady as She Goes

Find yourself a girl, and settle down Live a simple life in a quiet town Steady as she goes (steady as she goes) Steady as she goes (steady as she goes) So steady as she goes Your friends have shown a kink in the single life You've had too much to think, now you need a wife

Nelly Furtado (feat. Timbland) - Promiscuous Girl

Promiscuous girlWherever you areI’m all aloneAnd it's you that I wantN: Promiscuous boyYou already knowThat I’m all yoursWhat you waiting for?Promiscuous girlYou're teasing meYou know what I wantAnd I got what you need

Shakira - Hips Don't Lie

And I'm on tonight You know my hips don't lie And I'm starting to feel it's right All the attraction, the tension Don't you see baby, this is perfection Hey Girl, I can see your body moving And it's driving me crazy And I didn't have the slightest idea Until I saw you dancing

I think I've found the answer and funny enough it ths words of another song...

Gnarls Barkley - Crazy

But maybe I'm Crazy

Maybe you're Crazy

Maybe we're Crazy

Probably...

Development/Construction Meeting Day

I will not get stressed. I will not get stressed. I will not get stressed. I will not get stressed.I will not get stressed. I will not get stressed.I will not get stressed. I will not get stressed.I will not get stressed. I will not get stressed.I will not get stressed. I will not get stressed.I will not get stressed. I will not get stressed....

Damn it, I'm already stressed!

I so hope

to god that I'M the retarded one and the rest of the people I'm dealing with are like super intelligent. This would explain things much better and give me some comfort!!!!!!!!!

I wasn't kidding...

"Uh, yes Mr. Retailer the rent will be (number followed by lots of zero's)."

"Ha, ha, ha, ha...you're funny Mr. Leasing Guy but what will the rent really be?"

"I'm serous that's the rent."

"That's the rent?"

"That's the rent, best I can do. I don't like to over quote."

[silence]

[staring...blinking...staring] (Its important not to talk during this phase of the negotiation.)

When all is said and done, I'd rather be a pitcher than a catcher. lol....

Work

Sigh, back to work. Don't care yet, maybe later. Slept through my alarm so didn't make it to the gym this morning. Saw my ex-trainer / conscience walking down the street. Luckily she didn't see me. Whew!

The coffee cup I mentioned a few weeks ago finally sprung a leak while I was gone. Guess the coffee finally soaked through the paper of the cup. "Clean-up on aisle 3!"

Ah, ok people, can you do me a favour? When you quit your job can you just leave quietly instead of sending some fucking gay poem to everyone in the country? Nobody gives a shit! If you loved the company so much and it was SUCH an honour and privilege then you wouldn't have slammed everyone and bitched so much before you quit. Just go, go quietly, no one will remember you when you're gone because no one gave a shit while you were here.

Ok, I officially have contempt for all Tenant rep companies out there. They add no value and just try to fuck you over for a fee.

Boss is away for two days, sweet. Its the same feeling as when you're about to put your pants in the wash and find $20 in one of the pockets. Or, when you wake up suddenly and think you're late for work and then realize that its Saturday and can go back to sleep.

I am now over 200 lbs again. First time in 2 years. Must stop with the beer and bad food...tomorrow...

Motivation= a vomit into
I am really motivated to be here right now.

I wish my assistant would stop calling everyone "sweetie" and "hon" its starting to annoy me.

Time for coffee.

OMG

Buckcherry - Crazy Bitch...is it bad to like this song?

Home

Denali to the airport and just like that its Saturday again and Denali home from the airport. All is the same...well, except that I should have gotten someone to water my garden. Oops.

Need some me time...alone...

Great vacation :)

The power of the Gift!

There are those, when looking at the sunset or a forest, marvel not so much at the beauty of the thing but the genius of the creator. This is true for many things in life such as art or architecture. I just crossed the Confederation Bridge this week and thought how awesome it was that this could be built.

For me, I marvel at authors, writers, people with the gift to arrange letters into words and words into sentences that make anything come to life. I marvel at Dostoyevsky, not so much for his vivid imagination, many people have that, but for his ability to use just the right words at the right time to truly amaze the reader.

I have always loved writing, as long as I can remember. Whether its impatience or immaturity, I've never been able to truly excel at it. I guess I don't have the gift.

I have however, been fortunate in my life growing up in a Christian community that "Spiritual Gifts," as it is called is very important within the church body. I've taken many courses and read many books to determine my gifts. Teaching is my number one gift by the way, with preaching (public speaking) as my second.

There are many secular resources devoted to discerning people's gifts or talents. One of these is a book called "What Colour is your Parachute." Most professional development or job hunting books will have some form of this analyses in them.

All of this to say that Dostoyevsky could have been a good carpenter and Picasso a fair dentist, but if this was the case the world would have missed out immense beauty and genius.

We all need to find not just what we're passionate about but what we can actually do and do well.

Loving my vacation.

R.

"I'd buy that for a dollar!"

Some of you will remember this catchy phrase from the 80's movie "Robo Cop.". I was reminded of this phrase this week as we strolled through Wal-Mart in Moncton stocking up for our vacation. I was surprised years ago when the first disposable camera came out. Later they brought one out with a flash. I thought, "What will they think of next?". Well, apparently disposable everything. Stuff is so cheap now not just Wal-Mart but Dollarama and Canadian Tire that it might as well be disposable. We bought all the beach toys you could imagine, including beach balls and swim noodles for under 10 dollars. Beach chairs, cooler, towels, mats and beverages. It will be a real shame to toss all this stuff but in total it was less than $40. Maybe I'll find a Goodwill on Saturday and drop it off.

Other than that, we had 3 good beach days so far and 3 rainy cold days. We spent those sightseeing, Hopewell Rocks, Magnetic Hill, Green Gables House, Avonlea and of course the kids totally loved the pool and amusement park at the Crystal Palace in Moncton.

Yes I have eaten lobster everyday I've been here and while the rest of my family doesn't really like seafood my middle daughter M will eat all that stuff. She eats all my lobster and mussels and yyesterday had raw oysters for the first time, I had to order more...she's 9!
Cavendish beach in PEI is gorgeous. Parlee beach in New Brunswick is equally nice.
The kids have really been having the time of their lives. I can't say my dad ever took us on a trip like this, or any other trip that lasted more than a day for that matter.
I'm sure there are things I'm forgetting but if so I'll post later.

We're off to Charlottetown tomorrow to see the birthplace of Confederation of this awesome country of ours. Should be grand.

Ok, beer finished, need another.

L8R...