Hang Ups...

Is it really possible, I mean really? Possible to look at your life and see the things that could potentially hold you back and decide to change them? Could it really be that simple?

I spend it seems an awful lot of time reflecting on my life and trying to learn more about me and especially how I relate to those around me. I talk to my friends and try to "hear" their feedback and assess it for what it is. Lately, it seems like I'm hearing things for the first time. I'm not suggesting that I should be doing everything my friends say, quite the contrary, many times I'm correct in my feelings of what should be done.

What I'm referring to however seems to be the overwhelming similarity in the advice I've been given from all my friends. "Take it easy." "Relax." "Don't be so uptight." "Try to have fun and enjoy yourself." Most of the advice has had to do with relationships and my Olympian ability to obsess with single minded focus.

I suppose I need to step back and let people be themselves, not fit into a mold of what I want them to be. Perhaps I've been guilty of that in the past. If we (me) are angry at someone for what they're doing, it may be because we expect or want them to do something else. The issue here is really control. We want to control that person to make them do or act the way we want. "She didn't return my email." "She didn't call me back." "She ignored me at a party."

The lesson here may be to let people be themselves and for us to stay true to ourselves. I have come to realise this now more than ever. I cannot, nor do I want to be someone who I'm not. I am who I am and if you're into that then great, if not then also great... but please step aside. I'm 38 years old and don't really have time to fuck around on relationships and activities in my life that I don't enjoy. This seems overly simple. I have always believed that it is easier to make things more complicated than simple.

Time will really tell if I'm actually really on to something. I wonder if I have the internal conviction to stick to and execute this. Change first begins in the mind, then it must move to the heart (emotional) before it actually translates itself to behaviour.

I've been thinking this, now I'm starting to feel it. I feel less angry every day. Its weird, even with all the crap going on in my life right now I feel happy. I feel free. I wait with baited breath to see what tomorrow holds.

I so need to make a list of all my hang-ups ... and then burn it...

R.